Owning, selling and buying

We sold the house today. Amazing when you consider that it was never officially for sale. I think it is just one more glowing piece of evidence that God has all of this under his control. We truly broke every rule to selling a house, and yet here we are with signed papers.

The house is fantastic on a fantastic street in a fantastic community. I'm happy for the new owners. They are getting amazing home. But that house stopped being home for us months ago. The last few weeks have been a labor of love to get moved out so that we could literally move on. By selling our home, we are buying into the possibility of a whole new life.

The Hardest Falls Happen the Fastest

As a mother, I spend a large portion of my energy attempting to keep my children safe. From food to playgrounds to sports, I'm constantly surveying potential danger. It's exhausting, but I've been convinced that my vigilance keeps them safe from harm. Until it didn't.

My daughter broke her arm. I was less than 5 ft away and I was staring right at her. But that didn't keep her from landing on her arm and breaking it.

All the guilt, anxiety and sheer exhaustion from spending most of the night in the ER of Children’s Hospital washed away the moment I saw this face looking up at me. I couldn’t snap the picture quickly enough. Her arm was broken, but her smile was not.

I’m watching her compensate for her cast. (As an aside, I want to hug the person that invented the waterproof cast! At least she could still swim and play in the water.) She misses her bike and scooter, but for the most part she hasn't missed a beat. In fact, she takes a lot of pride in her cast. She happily shows it to anyone she sees, and refuses to wear her sling because she doesn’t want her cast to be covered.

Children are resilient, and I now understand that if we escape the childhood years with only a fractured arm, than we will be blessed beyond measure.

Hello, Good-bye and Oh No!

He's here! He's here! My son, Coppertop,  has made the move to Alabama! Father's Day weekend was certainly bitter-sweet for The Hubs. On one hand we all got to spend the weekend together. We met up in Paducah to celebrate Father's Day but it was also the coordinated hand-off for Coppertop to come back with me and Miss C.

Departing on Sunday was hard on everyone. Emotionally and physically. Sunday was the day we dreaded all weekend long. It usually is on our weekends together, but this one was made even more difficult by the fact that The Hubs and I both got a touch of food poisoning from our dinner the night before. We were both sick. It was misery. I'll spare you the TMI, but compounding the struggle was the fact that we both had 300+ miles to drive. I had the added challenge of driving with two children with me. It was a monumental effort for us to pack-up, load-up and hit the road that day. On the bright side, it kept the good-byes very matter-of-fact. We couldn't get emotional. We were too dehydrated. To make  matters worse, I got sick while driving down the road and the only option was to grab the plastic tub that held my daughter's toys.

If looks could have killed, I would have been left for dead on the side of a KY interstate. I'm exhausted, dehydrated, struggling to focus on driving and all I hear for the next 100+ miles is Miss C yelling at me for "frowing-up" on her toys. I'm not sure I'll ever be forgiven.

It is ironic that it was Father's Day weekend that we determined would be the best time for Coppertop to move to Alabama. Of all weekends for The Hubs to return home without his family. I'm sad for him, but we know it is necessary. One more milestone met.

Now with both children here, my heart is almost complete. The main focus now is for The Hubs to finalize the house projects.

There's no place like home

We've been home this week!! It's not about being back in this house that makes it feel like home. It is the fact that for the first time in months, we are all back under one roof. That is proof that anywhere we all are is home. I love this house, but it's just a building. It's only home when we are all here together.

Being "home" is exactly what we all needed. Attending my son's baseball games, bus stops, car line, I've happily done it all! It's been great to watch my daughter visit with her friends and teachers. I think she was most excited to be back in her bedroom. We are truly a family this week and all of the beautiful insane chaos that comes with that.

The house is actually more of a warehouse right now - 1/2 boxed for storage and the remaining items are either slotted for donation or heading to Alabama at a later time. The Hubs has been busy. Even he says without all of us there, it stopped feeling like home to him.

It has been an amazing blessing to have this week together. It interesting to watch a house become a home and then seeing it turn back into a house again. Home Sweet Home is truly where all of us are together. For now that will have to be in motels on the weekends that we can. Next milestone is for my son to wrap the school year and join us in Alabama as soon as possible.

Regress, Progress and a Big Ol' Mess

We are in a difficult stretch right now. We are one family living two separate lives. The Hubs and my son are still living the "old life", while my daughter and I are living our "new life". It is very difficult to feel connected as a family.

As far as our "new life" I'm finding myself regressing a bit with my commitment to nutrition and fitness. I'm falling into old trappings of eating out, sleeping in and putting off the workouts. Regress.

My new job is going well. I think I will never run out of things to learn. It is exciting and fulfilling. At the same time, The Hubs is handling the "old life" like a boss! The boys have their "new normal" and he has a sidekick that helps him with all "gotta sell this house" type of projects. Progress.

As part of selling the house, there is the complication that we aren't simply packing up location A and moving to location B. We have the added dilemma of needing to put 85% of our house into storage. Figuring out what you still need to live for the next few months, what gets moved to Alabama, what gets stored and how all of if gets out of the house is one Big Ol' Mess. 

1/2 Happy

We've been apart for eight weeks. We've all been missing each other. We all stay adequately busy during the days, but at night the emotions take their toll. My daughter gets tired and cries for her daddy. My son asks how many more days until he comes to Alabama. It's usually really late at night before I can steal anytime away for a catch-up call with my husband.

My son is busy playing baseball. My husband is busy coaching him. Both are busy packing up boxes, studying and year-end scout activities. Yet even with technology, there is no substitute for being there. Great days and Great news - seem less great when you try to retell the story at a later time. For now even on our happiest days we can only manage to be 1/2 happy. 

And then there are the rumors. Most can be dismissed. Some we've even laughed at, but the line was crossed when my child had the "D" word explained to him by another child at the bus stop. In this case the child was only repeating what he had heard his parent say. I get it. We've been a bit vague. Not everyone gets to be in the loop. It is necessary. But for those who know the truth, and choose to spread gossip, shame on you. Sadly, this was the case. The truth is really less interesting. 

Soon enough, people will have to find someone else's life to speculate about. Our family separation is nearing an end. That day can't get here soon enough. We know this is all temporary. But I'm looking for the day we get to be complete again. The truth, while disappointing to the gossipers, will reflect that we are indeed still happily married and very much committed to each other and our family. 

All The Single Ladies

My hats off to all the single mothers. You are strong. You are determined. You are a fighter. You are focused. I admire your abilities very much. I'm a terrible single mom. No this isn't an attempt for you to convince me that I'm better at it than I realize. It is true. I am completely spoiled by The Hubs.  The Hubs is more than my children's hero. He's my hero too. He makes me a better person. Without him - I'm just a selfish, immature and rash version of my adult self.

So now that we are living 700+ miles apart, the selfish, immature and rash person is running around this house unchecked. As the weeks turn in to months, the hissy fits are increasing. The meltdowns are increasing. The unwillingness to backdown to logical reason is increasing. I wish desperately that I was describing my three year-old here and not myself.

The Hubs is a steady, even keeled balance to my personality. He's practicality counters my love for indulgence. His calm counters my excitability. His need to plan counters my willingness to swan dive off of cliffs. He's the anchor my flightiness needs. I'm not easy to love. I'm really not easy to live with, and I can't imagine liking me much if I weren't me.

The mornings are difficult. The evenings are even harder. I need my partner. I pretty much suck without him.