My hats off to all the single mothers. You are strong. You are determined. You are a fighter. You are focused. I admire your abilities very much. I'm a terrible single mom. No this isn't an attempt for you to convince me that I'm better at it than I realize. It is true. I am completely spoiled by The Hubs. The Hubs is more than my children's hero. He's my hero too. He makes me a better person. Without him - I'm just a selfish, immature and rash version of my adult self.
So now that we are living 700+ miles apart, the selfish, immature and rash person is running around this house unchecked. As the weeks turn in to months, the hissy fits are increasing. The meltdowns are increasing. The unwillingness to backdown to logical reason is increasing. I wish desperately that I was describing my three year-old here and not myself.
The Hubs is a steady, even keeled balance to my personality. He's practicality counters my love for indulgence. His calm counters my excitability. His need to plan counters my willingness to swan dive off of cliffs. He's the anchor my flightiness needs. I'm not easy to love. I'm really not easy to live with, and I can't imagine liking me much if I weren't me.
The mornings are difficult. The evenings are even harder. I need my partner. I pretty much suck without him.
Monday, April 7, 2014
The Mother/Daughter relationship is complicated. Within five minutes you can fight, love, cry, and rejoice with each other. There is no shortage of opinions, advice, running commentary and constructive criticism around here - coming from all sources. Most of the time my mom knows what I'm thinking, and I know what she's thinking. We can actually fight silently, which is completely off-putting to my husband. He only had brothers. So the complexities of Mother/Daughter communication is new to him.
One of the reasons that our move to Alabama can be handled in phases, is the blessing of having my mom's house as our temporary lily pad. It is a blessing that I'm forever grateful for. But it doesn't come without challenges. We currently have three generations of Mother/Daughters living in one house. That is a recipe for Hot Mess Soup! As I watch my very strong-willed daughter dig her heels in with my very stubborn mother, I just laugh. And I hide.
So far we are all living to tell our versions of the stories to anyone who will listen, but I can't help but remind my mother of all the times that she wished for me "to have a daughter just like me". Karma.
Most of our days are pretty good, and I'm loving all of the time that my daughter and mom are having together. She's never had the "everyday grandparent" experience. So far in my children's lives, Grandparents were only people you saw on special occasions, but now my mother and daughter are building a relationship with each other. The fact that she is old enough to remember these days with my mom is a blessed time that I will look back on and be grateful for.