I don't give a sh!t - and why that should scare you.

Not caring. It is an emotion that should set off buzzers and red flag warnings to all around you. Complacency threatens your desire for more, for different, for better. Equally threatening is indifference. When you truly could care less about an outcome, you've already given up. If allowed, complacency will permeate into all aspects of life and numb you. I've seen it so many people. I've seen it in myself.

Work, relationships, health - it is all vulnerable. Shield yourself from the corrosion that complacency can cause.

I believe if I can continue to make a concerted effort to be better each day, then I can keep complacency from polluting my outlook.

I recently shared that I had allowed old habits to rear back up. I heard myself saying things like, "what's the point, it doesn't matter, who cares?" I'm speaking from experience. The moment you realize you are having those thoughts, immediately examine it further. Don't dismiss it. Find the point. Figure out how it matters and certainly identify who should care. Then please promise me that you will run to the nearest mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Determined eyes shine bright. Complacent eyes have no life in them. Don't let complacency snuff the light from your eyes.

Warning: This Blogger will Self-destruct

I've handled the move well. I've handled the separation of my family as well as possible. I've handled my new job pretty well too. What I've not handled well at all is my commitment to fitness.

Not only did my commitment to fitness take a backseat. I bound it, gagged it and tossed it in the trunk. If I happen to overhear the muffled cries of my fitness calling for help, I turned up the radio so that I could pretend my bad choices weren't stacking up.

With my commitment to fitness hijacked - I started down an all-too-familiar road of crappy food. Steamed squash turned in to squash casserole. Grains, bring them on! Eventually I became use to the intestinal discomfort that happens every single time. Dairy, Sweets! Oh yeah! Pile it on! After living strict Paleo, I tossed it all.

Maybe I should analyze the Why, but even knowing why doesn't undo it. If you know me at all by now - you realize moderation really isn't my thing. It is a concept as foreign to me as reading hieroglyphics.

Even as I felt the clothes grow more snug, I kept eating. As the clothes without "give" sank to the back of the closet, I kept eating. As the ones with "give" became my staple, I kept eating.

I finally put myself on the scale. 25 lbs. Unreal. But I didn't stop there. I kept eating. Even as I stopped enjoying food. I kept eating.

I think I'm a sane and reasonable person. But then I read my own words and think, "Pamela - you have issues!"

So I've  topped out at 29 lbs gained since moving to Alabama. I have no one to thank but myself. I'm going back to what works for me. Grain & dairy free and no refined sugars. This isn't a size thing. Truth is my body is happier and I'm healthier when I live that way. I know I'll get the new poundage off. I always do. Well almost. It's the trend of self-destruction that concerns me. Why do I repeatedly get myself so close to success and then start self-destructing?

Sweet Home Alabama

It's been a busy few weeks. So much so, keeping up is even a challenge for The Hubs and I. But I have exciting news! The Hubs resigned earlier this month and wrapped-up his job this week! I'm so proud of him. He's daring to explore what is next for him. Now we can all be together and be back to one family under one roof.

When I lost my job on December 30th it affected more than just me. It has literally had an impact on our entire family. To support me in my new job, The Hubs is sacrificing his.

I know there is an amazing plan for him. God has been present in every step along the way for us throughout this entire year. The Hubs will now get to do something that most people never have the chance to do - he gets to plan an entirely new career for himself. He's been a chemist for 20 years. He's ready for a new challenge. And while the uncertainty is unnerving for him, I know there are great opportunities in store for him.

For the first time since March we all now live in the same state! Sweet Home Alabama never sounded so sweet!

Owning, selling and buying

We sold the house today. Amazing when you consider that it was never officially for sale. I think it is just one more glowing piece of evidence that God has all of this under his control. We truly broke every rule to selling a house, and yet here we are with signed papers.

The house is fantastic on a fantastic street in a fantastic community. I'm happy for the new owners. They are getting amazing home. But that house stopped being home for us months ago. The last few weeks have been a labor of love to get moved out so that we could literally move on. By selling our home, we are buying into the possibility of a whole new life.

The Hardest Falls Happen the Fastest

As a mother, I spend a large portion of my energy attempting to keep my children safe. From food to playgrounds to sports, I'm constantly surveying potential danger. It's exhausting, but I've been convinced that my vigilance keeps them safe from harm. Until it didn't.

My daughter broke her arm. I was less than 5 ft away and I was staring right at her. But that didn't keep her from landing on her arm and breaking it.

All the guilt, anxiety and sheer exhaustion from spending most of the night in the ER of Children’s Hospital washed away the moment I saw this face looking up at me. I couldn’t snap the picture quickly enough. Her arm was broken, but her smile was not.

I’m watching her compensate for her cast. (As an aside, I want to hug the person that invented the waterproof cast! At least she could still swim and play in the water.) She misses her bike and scooter, but for the most part she hasn't missed a beat. In fact, she takes a lot of pride in her cast. She happily shows it to anyone she sees, and refuses to wear her sling because she doesn’t want her cast to be covered.

Children are resilient, and I now understand that if we escape the childhood years with only a fractured arm, than we will be blessed beyond measure.

Hello, Good-bye and Oh No!

He's here! He's here! My son, Coppertop,  has made the move to Alabama! Father's Day weekend was certainly bitter-sweet for The Hubs. On one hand we all got to spend the weekend together. We met up in Paducah to celebrate Father's Day but it was also the coordinated hand-off for Coppertop to come back with me and Miss C.

Departing on Sunday was hard on everyone. Emotionally and physically. Sunday was the day we dreaded all weekend long. It usually is on our weekends together, but this one was made even more difficult by the fact that The Hubs and I both got a touch of food poisoning from our dinner the night before. We were both sick. It was misery. I'll spare you the TMI, but compounding the struggle was the fact that we both had 300+ miles to drive. I had the added challenge of driving with two children with me. It was a monumental effort for us to pack-up, load-up and hit the road that day. On the bright side, it kept the good-byes very matter-of-fact. We couldn't get emotional. We were too dehydrated. To make  matters worse, I got sick while driving down the road and the only option was to grab the plastic tub that held my daughter's toys.

If looks could have killed, I would have been left for dead on the side of a KY interstate. I'm exhausted, dehydrated, struggling to focus on driving and all I hear for the next 100+ miles is Miss C yelling at me for "frowing-up" on her toys. I'm not sure I'll ever be forgiven.

It is ironic that it was Father's Day weekend that we determined would be the best time for Coppertop to move to Alabama. Of all weekends for The Hubs to return home without his family. I'm sad for him, but we know it is necessary. One more milestone met.

Now with both children here, my heart is almost complete. The main focus now is for The Hubs to finalize the house projects.

There's no place like home

We've been home this week!! It's not about being back in this house that makes it feel like home. It is the fact that for the first time in months, we are all back under one roof. That is proof that anywhere we all are is home. I love this house, but it's just a building. It's only home when we are all here together.

Being "home" is exactly what we all needed. Attending my son's baseball games, bus stops, car line, I've happily done it all! It's been great to watch my daughter visit with her friends and teachers. I think she was most excited to be back in her bedroom. We are truly a family this week and all of the beautiful insane chaos that comes with that.

The house is actually more of a warehouse right now - 1/2 boxed for storage and the remaining items are either slotted for donation or heading to Alabama at a later time. The Hubs has been busy. Even he says without all of us there, it stopped feeling like home to him.

It has been an amazing blessing to have this week together. It interesting to watch a house become a home and then seeing it turn back into a house again. Home Sweet Home is truly where all of us are together. For now that will have to be in motels on the weekends that we can. Next milestone is for my son to wrap the school year and join us in Alabama as soon as possible.