Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
I’ve been quietly struggling for a few weeks – and then a friend came across Fat Chick does CrossFit blog post – saw similarities to my experience and shared the post with me. From the first sentence I related with her. I was completely entertained by her perspective and experience. But then she struck a nerve – and it is still zinging. In a short statement she completely summed up my frustration and articulated what I’ve been unable to pinpoint. “…living a fit-person lifestyle inside a fat-person body is uncomfortable and sucky. It was much easier to be living a fat-person lifestyle inside a fat-person body, and at least back then there were jellybeans.” Amen my fellow fat chick sister!
So why do I share this? Because this is reality for anyone transforming their lives through fitness. It isn’t a video-edited journey captured in one television season type of effort. It is a daily decision to make better choices, and to do more than you were capable of doing yesterday. But there are the sucky days, the days you are tired of being sore. The days you want to binge eat. The days you want to hide in your car and pretend you went and worked out. But hopefully you don’t. There are dark days on your fitness journey. I want to confess that right here and now. Because I want anyone reading this to feel okay about the day they realize they’ve arrived in their dark place. The trick is to get the hell out of there. But how?
I know I am stronger than ever. I can run further than I’ve ever been able to run. But still… In the mirror every day I see her. The fat chick is still there lurking, haunting and teasing me. So I’m always seeking the lesson to be learned. This morning I had a brief “Come to Jesus” meeting with myself. Nutrition – it is the only aspect of my training that I haven’t dialed in completely. That changes for me this week. On Saturday I’m attending a nutrition workshop at Capital City CrossFit. I know how to eat clean – I did it successfully before during my initial weight loss. I’ve just never balanced disciplined nutrition with disciplined workouts. So while in my dark place this morning, I did what no one should ever do once they start strength training. I pulled out my scale. Maybe I did it so the fat chick could celebrate my fitness failure – if so – then she should be happy because the number was ugly. I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and I know I’m a lot more muscular than I was a few months ago. But that number sent me into a frantic spiral of looking up other numbers – I dug out my measurements. My waist is smaller. My arms are now lopsided - apparently i'm stronger on my right – but they are more muscular then they used to be. I actually have biceps now. My legs are bigger – but they were always what I’ve now learned were considered a “skinny fat” now they are muscular. I can see my quads and hamstrings. This damn number on the scale had the potential of blowing up my progress. I picked two fights this morning – I believe in a misguided effort to blow off steam. But now that I’ve dusted off the measuring tape – I’m going to track a 30 day progress. Clean foods. Nothing processed. On June 14th – I’ll share my results.